Testimony of Healing

Healing of a bad relationship

There was a guy in college with me who ripped on my behavior in front of my peers. He verbally assailed me while others listened and stared. I began to feel stunned, bummed out, clueless. What the heck was I doing wrong? Did I really deserve to be treated this way?

It was like having someone pounding on my ego - giving me an attitude adjustment. I felt emotionally battered. It was hard to keep things in perspective. I found myself puzzled by the way he behaved. Actually, "puzzled" is a weak euphemism. I was seriously bothered. The sting of each of my run-ins with him left a fresh and distinct impression. Whenever I saw him, I was wary of another outburst. I simply didn't know how to let go of the feelings of insult and injury. This individual's facial expressions and body language only added to the impression I had that he pretty much despised me.

I tried troubleshooting and analyzing, looking for possible hints about what I might be doing to provoke him. To the best of my knowledge, I'd never done anything to him that could legitimately be considered an offense. He joked around and laughed it up with other people, but whenever I approached him to see if we could talk about it, he would go deadpan and silent.

After a few weeks I decided I'd had enough. I figured that first, I wasn't doing anything that merited emotional abuse. Second, I was going to devote more time to prayer to help me deal with all this stuff. I'd discovered that prayer could definitely reveal and heal. I was coming from the standpoint that I wanted to identify this guy according to good, friendly qualities I knew he was capable of showing me.

I also wanted to get a broader, deeper view of things. I'd been learning from the teachings of Christian Science that even in the face of animosity, I had to make the effort to care about this man. It wasn't just for my own well-being. It wasn't just a "feel-good" thing. I was being challenged to "love my neighbor as myself." And that rallying call seared through my thought like a song on a burned CD.

I remember actually removing myself from shared college activities when things got a little intense, so that I could exchange my frustrated thoughts for a clear, loving view of this man. I realized that taking time to pray was far too important to ignore or neglect. I had to move my way toward uncovering a more complete representation of this guy as a creation of God - both of us governed by God. Now was the moment to get things calm and clear and peaceful. Now was the moment to find something I respected about him-and build on it.

One day, while I was at the airport to pick up somebody, the famous hockey player Gordie Howe walked off the plane I was waiting for. I thought of the guy I'd been having trouble with - also a hockey player. On an impulse - a loving one I hadn't realized I was capable of - I stepped up to Howe and said: "May I have an autograph for someone I know? He is a big fan and would be thrilled." "Sure!" said Howe, and signed with a flourish.

When I gave the autograph to my college "friend," he was at first confused. He didn't understand why I would do such a thing. I said I just thought he would enjoy it a lot - which he did.

I know now that if I hadn't been willing to pray about my defensiveness and indignation, I would never even have thought of doing such a thing. But from that moment, things started getting better between us in modest but recognizable ways. He even laughed at some of my jokes from time to time. Most important, I was freed of the frustration and bitterness that were chewing away at my peace of mind.

I'm at the point now where if someone does something that really bugs me, I more quickly remember that there are plenty of right things I can do that are guaranteed to restore harmony to the situation. One of them is to pray actively to identify every hint of hypersensitivity in me, and wipe it out. Another is to develop patience, kindness, and all sorts of creative ways to see beyond the behavior other people exhibit - and reach them through love.

Tom Hundley
Seattle, Washington

Reprinted with permission from the Christian Science Sentinel
Copyright © 2003 The Christian Science Publishing Society
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